I would be lying if I said it was coincidence that the title of this just happened to be a Gotye song, but you can’t blame me how apt the lyrics of the song are in the situation I’ll be talking about. ‘Somebody that I used to know’, those words are meant in many different ways by each of us, it can be losing the girl who won your heart, or the guy who you saw your future with or the best friend who promised to stick with you through everything. We all have at some point, in our lives, have had to let go of someone who meant the world to us and without whom you reached a point of helplessness. This passage is on how to deal with that loss and to start to move on because life waits for no one.
- It’s okay to admit to yourself that you miss them.
A lot of us try to keep our emotions inward and try not to admit to ourselves how much we miss the person in our life, because what’s the point of missing someone who just left, right? If it doesn’t affect them, why should it affect you? We reassure ourselves with the thought that we are better off and put on that smile that fools everyone else and if we are lucky, ourselves as well. This never works because it doesn’t work that way, we don’t care for other people only on the basis that they liked us back and that is the fact that we have to admit to ourselves that we loved and we lost and that’s hard but it’s also the first step to moving on with your life. It’s okay to cry and to be frustrated with the situation you are in. You loved them because they were important to you and there is no shame in having loved someone, who in the long run, didn’t love you back. Being emotional is not a weakness as many of us think it is, it’s what we, as humans do. Be strong and let yourself face your feelings.
2. Anger is an easy escape but the wrong one.
Anger is largely a secondary emotion, something we use to make ourselves feel less vulnerable or just something we can direct our energy towards. It gives us an adversary to face which is a much easier task than to deal with grief ourselves. In that anger, we like to bad mouth the person who left or the person who hurt us or we try to retell ourselves of all the ways that person had done us wrong as a way to fuel that anger that we are better off without them but anger doesn’t help in getting over because in that anger, we keep them in our thoughts, anger is obsessive in nature rather than helping us move on it keeps us bound in our place.
3. Realize self worth.
Something many of us are guilty of is measuring our self worth by what other people think of us, ‘Nobody will ever love me’, ‘ I will always be alone’ etc. these are all phrases that we have used at some points in our time because our reasoning is simple, if someone we loved so much couldn’t find anything to love about us or for whom it was so easy to let us go, the problem must be with us, it’s that simple- We are the root cause of the problem, and that is where we make our greatest mistake. Some of the best advice that I ever heard on why a relationship didn’t work was, “If you are strawberry, and her favourite flavor is chocolate – she might be with you because she still likes strawberry but her favourite flavor is chocolate.” The basic meaning of which is that for whatever reason the person left your life doesn’t make you bad, it just makes you not the one for her/him and that doesn’t mean you aren’t good enough. Not one bit. This is the point in time when you need to start realizing your self worth. The first step is always loving yourself and never letting anyone take that away from you, no one should be able to make you doubt who you know yourself to be. Believe in who you are as a person and learn to love who that person is and trust me, it will help you in all phases of your life.
You can’t forget them overnight and you won’t move on the next day and that is why I kept the last tip because it’s one I consider to be maybe the most important of them all. Give yourself time to heal and to move on, it is a difficult task and more so when it has to be done alone by a few of us but by just giving the relationship the time it deserves to be a thing of the past rather than your present, will help you incredibly. The reason why you don’t forget it by the next day is because that person had an impact on your life and that’s why waking up tomorrow won’t change everything that happened. Listen to music, meet new people, open yourself to opportunities rather than closing yourself to them. It’s not necessary for you to forget them to move on, you just will learn to accept it, treasure what you learnt throughout the way and always cherish the good memories. Trust me, with time they will be just ‘somebody you used to know’.
By Ishaan Bakshi
Ishaan Bakshi is a 19 year old who resides in Gurgaon, and is currently pursuing Bachelors of Business Administration. His hobbies include reading, writing,sketching, listening to live Jazz concerts for days on end, watching more movies and TV shows than his parents would like. Music is an extremely important part of his life and it has helped him through the toughest moments he has had to face. He stresses on the importance of being happy and strives to acquaint himself with as many people as possible, as every person is just another story waiting to be heard and known.
Artwork by Andrea Ucini.