Ya’aburnee (Arabic): “You bury me,” a declaration of one’s hope that one will die before the person they love because one can’t imagine living without them.
They say that grief is overcome in five stages:
If you ignore it long enough,
It ceases to exist.
If you numb yourself to the pain long enough,
You stop feeling it.
So, that’s what you do
In a desperate attempt to shield yourself
Against the wave you know is coming
When you finally decide to acknowledge it,
Anger washes over you
Palpitations rock your body
Your breath gets heavier by the second
You’re on the verge of imploding,
But you don’t
Once the anger subsides,
You look for hope in blind alleys
“There must be a way,”
You tell yourself,
But deep down,
You know there isn’t one
Yet you cling
For dear life
Onto that elusive thing called hope,
Ready to trade your life for another’s
Without a second thought
When you realise that bargaining is to no avail,
You try holding yourself together,
But soon enough,
You find yourself drowning
In a sea of tears,
Floating just below the surface,
Reaching out towards the open air,
But always failing.
You’re just there.
The sorrow weighs you down
Like a million rocks on your chest.
You spiral into the depths of despair
Melancholia takes over the reins now
To let go,
To free yourself
Of all that tethers you to the ground,
And you float,
Heading who knows where.
Suddenly, your eyes flutter open
“It’s all a dream,
Just a bad dream,”
You assure yourself
Then, a small part of you whispers
“Bury me first, always.”
By Pavas Gupta