An Edition of ‘Ease’
april 26th, 12:56pm
The sun is bright. It is a summer afternoon, and the warm rays are shining in through the window. I tried to draw the curtains shut, but the wind doesn’t allow for them to stay in place. It is a cool breeze, a soft breeze. The mesh of sunlight and the gushing air feels comforting against my skin, inducing a sleepy lull. The birds are chirping. I hear them singing their songs, perched on my windowsill. I watch them gliding around in the sky, with fluffy clouds gently floating by in the background. The summer afternoon is harsh, but peaceful.
A slow jazz is playing from my speakers. My bedroom is filled with the soothing sound of pianos and guitars and smooth trumpets. It is the kind of music that transports you to a different place, to bliss. It makes my heart sing. Leaned against the wall, my head sways softly to the melody. From the corner of my eye I notice an assignment I am yet to finish; I close my eyes. I do not feel the dread that I would usually feel at the thought of my impending deadlines. Right now, for now, I am destressed.
There is a boy besides me. He is asleep, with his head snuggled into my torso. His arms tighten around my waist as he shifts slightly. My heart flutters. The feeling of being able to provide comfort, of being his peace, is incomparable. I can feel his steady heartbeat. His deep breaths. His leg occasionally twitching ever so slightly. Momentarily, his eyes crack open as he murmurs. You’re comfortable, right? I have never been more than I am now. I place a gentle kiss on his forehead as he drifts back into slumber, and rest my head in his soft hair. His scent is reassuring.
The relationship is new. We are still getting familiar with the parts of each other that no one else knows. I am used to maintaining a distance from people, even those whom I love. I shy away from vulnerability, worried it may push them away. I do not feel the apprehension with him. It is an effortless click; he has shown me what unconditional comfort means. It is a freeing feeling, to not worry about what the other person is thinking. To know that you are accepted, no matter what. To feel secure, despite having insecurities out in the open for the other person to see.
I struggle with security. To feel at ease in a place makes it more difficult to leave. Not having control over what is to happen has made me reluctant to put down my guard. I have always felt hounded by countless worries, that have kept me on my toes as I tried putting each one to rest, only for another one to arise. But in this moment, all of them fell silent.
This is the most relaxed I have been in a long time, in every sense. Comfort as I bask in the afternoon sun next to my love, security in the bond I share with him. I think back to this moment, the first of many to come, whenever I am in need of an escape. In need of some solace. It is my little bubble of ease when it all feels just a bit too much.
By Aditi Gandhi
Aditi is a 19 year old student, who likes to write about life as she sees it- or at least whatever she can see through her overgrown bangs. You can find her @aditirg on instagram, and @ReallyAditi on twitter.
Featured photograph by Arianna Ferretti.